As The Hemi Ticks (Soap Opera Style Just in Fun)
This is the writings of a member here who tried to lighten the mood when I was on my way to North Carolina from New York to have my car looked at by another dealer that was WILLING to look at it. It's rather long but its really got some funny parts that had me laughing along the way. It's written like a soap opera so if it's not your style, click back and do whatever it was you were doing before clicking here. This was written in FUN.. the situation with about 60 of us here that are trying to get Dodge to take action on our ticking cars is true..
This is quite the story about a ticking Challenger as written by Jimmy 2 Tone.
Iamawild1, I feel a road trip for you is in your future. It's only about 10 hours, 675 miles. Highway 190 south to 90 south to 79 south to 19 south to 77 south to 40 west to exit 128, take a left and the dealer is a mile in front of you. There is a hotel across the street. One day to drive down, a day in the shop, and a quiet day driving home. Easy peazzy. Luke's a great guy (met him a few times) and I would trust him and his team. They have worked on my Shaker. If the noise is being caused by a broken something, 675 miles of highway high speed road trip might cause a big time engine failure, Dodge roadside assistance will come get you, and then you will know for sure what the problem is. LOL Be sure to post pictures while on the trip. Some of the mountain views along 77 are really pretty. Come on, take a road trip. Your family will be happy to have you out of the house for a few days so they don't have to hear you complain about the car any more. And no snow in NC. Who else thinks she should take a road trip?
Hemi Takes A Lickin' But Keeps On Tickin"
I Can't Drive 55 (Because My Hemi Ticks)
Tickin' The Night Away In My Hemi
My Hemi Has A Chatter But Dodge Says It Doesn't Matter
"My Daddy said son, you're going to drive me to drinkin', if you keep on drivin' that Hemi with the clinkin'"......................................
Jimmy 2 Tone:
Stay tuned to "As the Hemi Ticks" for the next episode. Will Iamawild1 drive half way across the country to meet Luke? Will the Shaker hold together long enough to make the trip? Does Chrysler monitor this site? All this and more from the number 1 Challenger site on the web.
the next chapter of "As The Hemi Ticks" As dawn breaks in upstate New York and the minuets tick away Iamawild1 (A.K.A. Laura) packs her suitcase ahead of her 10 hour journey There are two things weighing on her mind. Does she use the Shaker's navigation system or use the talents of Steven_sbs (the human road atlas) with his turn by turn instructions. And can these Chic Jeans still turn a few heads. She downs half bottle of Geritol to keep the old ticker going, loads the Shaker and slips behind the wheel.
This preview was brought to you by "Tic Tic" not only is it a breath mint its also a signature sound. Remember if it doesn't tick its not a Hemi.
Its time for another episode of "As The Hemi Ticks"
As Laura slips behind the wheel she takes inventory, suitcase...check, cell phone...check, laptop...check, torque wrench...check. She pushes the clutch in then pushes the start button and the Hemi comes to life. Trying to stay as quiet as possible she slowly shifts into first and makes her way towards the road. Turning onto the two lane road and gradually gaining speed......Whoa...Whoa...Whoa.....Rewind. She sits at the end of the driveway, hits the button to fully open the cutouts, revs the engine to 5 grand, side steps the clutch and rockets fishtailing onto the road, bangs second gear the shaker tilts hard to the right and front end seems to float, she nails third still transferring rubber to the road. Finally she grabs fourth and the sped o nears the triple digit. Laura takes a moment to enjoy the rush then backs it down to a normal speed, now that's what having a RT Shaker is all about she say out loud. Entering the ramp to 190 south the phone rings, who could that be this early on a Sunday morning. Hello!....Hi Laura, this is Iamawild1_2 (A.K.A. Misty May, Laura's twin sister) Hey, can you do me a favor and pick me up a Southern Cooking cook book while you're in NC, Bud (Misty's love interest) wants me to make him a sweet potato pie ? (Laura) Why can't you just order in online. (Misty) you know Bud doesn't allow that stuff in the trailer, he say it allows aliens to locate us. (Laura) Okay, I'll see what I can do. (Misty) Hey, whats that ticking noise? (Laura) Nothing, I'll see you when I get back, click. Laura whispers under her breath, I told her the volley ball career wouldn't amount to anything. After about half a hour on the road she eases onto I90 towards Erie PA and settles in for the drive ahead.
Disclaimer: All characters are fictional any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. No animals or cars were harmed during this writing.
Note: we all know not to abuse a cold engine the way fictional Laura just did, don't we.
Its time for another episode of "As The Hemi Ticks"
The last episode Laura was westbound on I-90 headed towards Erie. Not wanting to be out of place in NC Laura purchase a CD on how to talk with a southern accent. She opens the glove box and retrieve the CD, loads it into the player. After the intro the narrator covers the key points of talking with a southern accent: There are three essential ingredients to sound like you were born in the south. One, somewhere in every sentence include the phrase "y'all", Two, raise your voice at least one octave higher preferably two, and Three, see how many words you can cram into one phrase.......blah.....blah.....blah......thank you for your purchase. I think I got that, well that sure made the time fly by she says to herself. As the Shaker makes it way onto I-79 she turns the radio on and searched for a country station. She comes across a station playing the new hit single by Spasticdog70 (A.K.A. Willie) that goes like this:
On the road again,
I don't want to hear it tick again,
I drive it and it ticks will all my friends,
I just can't wait to hear it not tick again.
Oh it's ticking again,
I would like it to be quiet every now and then
I'm on my way to see if Luke can make a mend
I just want it to be fixed and not ever tick again
After the song finishes the DJ says "this was dedicated to Laura, somewhere on the road between NY and NC, by the "Chicks With Challengers". Keep it safe little Lady. She turns the radio off and says, Huh, I haven't had a song dedicated to me since high school, that's so cool. As Laura comes up on the WV line there is a big Welcome to WV sign and a smaller sing that says...........to be continued
Note: This may sound like I don't have respect for southern folks, actually I do have the utmost respect and find they some of the most hospitable people in the USA.
“As The Hemi Ticks” continues:
“As The Hemi Ticks” continues:
As Laura enter in to WV a big sign state that Governor Ned Beatty Welcome you to WV, just down the road is another sign warning motorists that there is a prison in the area and not to pick up hitch hikers. Past that is another sign that says, IF YOU HEAR BANJO MUSIC DO NOT UNDER ANY CONDITIONS STOP . Thinking to herself Laura wonders if there is any connection to Ned and banjos. No, it’s just my imagination, has to be. She’s been on the road about 4-1/2 hours now and being so excited about getting started this morning she skipped breakfast. Turing off the interstate at exit 155 she turns left on Chaplin Hill Rd. then pulls onto Holy Smoke BBQ. She go inside and seats herself at a booth and scans the menu. The server strolls over and says “Hi ya’ll, what can I get for ya”. I’ll have a large pulled pork sandwich with a large tatter tot and a jumbo Coke. Coming right up. As she waits on her order, she wonders if Ned is the same Ned that was in the Movie Deliverance. As the Server sets down her order Laura asks her if the Governor is the same person that was in the movie Deliverance. Yep, turns out he got so popular in these parts after he done that movie, he won the election without even campaigning, he's been reelected 4 times and I voted for him six times. Laura says Thank you, six times, really and begins to eat her meal. She's thinking, they sure do things differently here, I have a feeling where not in Kansas anymore Toto. Finishing her meal she pops the hood on the Shaker and check the oil, looks good, so she hops behind the wheel and continues down the interstate. I want to get through this state as fast as I can, she says out loud and turns on the radar detector. She's making pretty good and finally gets onto Highway 19 south to cut over to I-77 south. She turned her phone off after talking to Misty and now turns it on again to find 4 missed calls, 7 text messages, and 3 voice mails. She spends the next hour returning calls and text messages. It's been 8 hours since she left home, it seems much longer. With the VA state line in sight she's thankful for two things, that she didn't hear any banjos she only has 2 hours to go, WoooHoooo...................to be continued
As Laura nears the “East River Mountain” tunnel she contemplates opening her cut outs fully. Just inside the tunnel she opens the cutouts and OMG, she can’t here the tick now, and gives out a big WoooooHooooo. Enjoying the freedom of letting the Hemi breath she doesn’t notice the small panic she’s caused other motorist around her. OH NO! they must think the mountain is coming down, she quickly closes the cutouts and order is restored. As she comes out the tunnel, into the daylight she gets a few angry looks and other gestures. Maybe I should chill for a little bit, after all I’m in VA and I sure had enough people warn me about Va. There’s that Radar sign, better turn that off too. But Oh that was fun, Woooo. She set the cruise to the speed limit, tunes the radio to a country station and sits back to relax. (DJ) Here’s a old classic by Johnny Lee, If you’re out there Laura, this is dedicated to you from your friends at “Challengertalk.com” I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places Lookin' for love in too many faces ………Now that I found a friend and a lover I'll bless the day I discover you-oh you
Lookin' for love. Thanks guys, how do they know that is one of my favorite songs, she says with a whisper. Even traveling at the speed limit, getting through VA doesn’t take that long. Crossing the border into NC, Laura kicks it up to 85 MPG and turns on the radar detector. Not too much later Laura spots what looks like a vintage police car, a black and white 1963 Ford Galaxy with what looks like a bubble gum machine on the roof, headed northbound. Five minutes later she hears the wail of a siren coming from behind. This can’t be happening, what….did I pass into some time warp or something. Laura slow down and edges the Shaker to the berm and the 63’ Ford pulls in behind her. In her rear view mirror she see a skinny little man about 5’6” with a hat too big for his head, exit his car and make his way to Laura’s driver side window. He stops, faces the car and puts both thumbs in his belt on each hip. Missy, do you know how fast you were going, in a voice 3 octaves higher than normal? She looks at the Officer’s badge…..B. Fife…..are you. (Fife) stops her and says, No, you’re thinking of me Granddad. Are you Misty…….Laura stops him a says, No, you’re thinking of my twin sister. Laura thinking this may be legit decides to turn on the charm and throws her head in a manner that makes her blond hair go over her shoulder and starts batting her blue eyes. (Fife) There’s no need for any of that. This is your lucky day Laura. Laura says, how do you know my name? (Fife) The Governor gave all law enforcement instructions: that if a Lady with ticks, driving a Challenger Shaker and looks like Misty May with a blond wig, was to get a free pass today. Well this is a Shaker, and that thing with your neck and eye is definitely a tick and you do look like Misty with a blond wig, you must be Laura. You’re free to go Missy. Laura says thanks officer Fife, and its NOT a wig, then starts the engine, when Fide says, you might want add some oil in your car and quiet that ticking. Laura nods to Fife then gets back on the road and up to speed. This has been the most bazaar day in my life, things can’t get any stranger than. The rest of the trip goes without incident as she exits I-77 onto I-40 and gets off at Exit 128……………………to be continued
Laura dumps of her luggage off in her room. She has three things to accomplish before calling it a day, find a place to eat, get the Shaker washed and answer a number of phone calls, e-mails and posts. With dinner out of the way she searched the town for a car wash. This town must close up early on Sundays, I can’t find an open car wash anywhere. Back at the hotel, she spend another couple hours on the phone and laptop before turning in for the night.
Up and at it the next morning she’s still excited about her appointment with Duke. She takes advantage of the free breakfast off the hotel lobby, having her fill of eggs, bacon and toast she fill a cup of coffee to go. As she leaves the dining area and heads for the elevators, Marilyn, behind the front desk calls Laura over. So y’all get a good night’s rest and your belly full? Laura says, I had better nights, but the breakfast hit the spot. I wanted to tell you a little bet about Duke before you see him today. Laura says why is it you know so much about me, my car and Duke as you call him. You see, I’m Jimmy’s sister and we all work together on these little projects to help people out. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was, that the Wayne in “Wayne White Motors “is none other than John Wayne. Since John passed on it’s now just “White Motors”. Laura thinks to herself, I can’t believe this but somehow it doesn’t surprise me. Marilyn continues, John and his wife had a son named Luke and John died shortly after. Well Luke’s mother never told Luke who his father was in fear that he wouldn’t grow up having a normal life, with all the Hollywood influence and all. Hold it, Laura says, you mean to tell me that John Wayne, the actor is Luke’s father, why do I need to know this? That’s right, to this day Luke doesn’t know about this, but you may here rumors around town and I didn’t want you to say something to Duke in passing. Well, I’ll keep that under my hat, Laura promised, I really don’t thing I can get my head around this anyway. That’s all I have for now, you get out of here now and get to your appointment. I’ll do that, and Laura goes to her room to get a few things before leaving for the dealership.
As Laura pulls up to the service bay doors at White Motors, she honks the horn and the door lifts and she drives into the service write up area. There to meet her is a gentleman that’s the spitting image of a young John Wayne, I’ll be dammed, she says almost out loud. She steps out of the car and he says, hi, you must be Laura. Laura snaps back, why because I look like Misty May with a blond wig. Duke says uh...no...you have an appointment and your VIN matches up with your name, you okay? I'm sorry Luke, it's already been a long day and its only 8:00 o’clock. No problem and you can call me Duke, everyone else does, people say I look like the Duke, John Wayne, I don't see it myself. Laura's amazed, he even talks and walks like John Wayne and doesn't have a clue. I think we have all the info to get started, you just need to sign this and I will personally handle everything. If there is a way to stop that ticking, we will find it. Thanks, Duke, you can't know how much that eases my mind. Well you're going to need something drive for a few days, fortunately Jimmy's arranged a rental for you, it’s that 15' Hellcat right over there. Laura looks to where Duke is pointing and see the black Hellcat. She also notices the orange Shaker on the other side of the Hellcat. Is that Jimmy's Shaker? Yeah, I guess he's still here, I thought he left for his meeting with City Officials. City Officials! Yeah, He's trying to open a Jimmy Johns here in Newton, he owns Jimmy Johns, you know and came up with the name to pay tribute to John Wayne when John helped him out back in 1977. Yeah, I heard that part of the story yesterday from his sister Marilyn. As they are both talking the Orange Shaker starts up and drives away, again an arm comes out of the window with a thumbs up. Duke continues, Jimmy got in Saturday after his visit with the Governor, I guess they are close friend. Laura is totally dumbfounded, I can't believe he set up that whole thing with B. Fife yesterday. Where's he staying while he's in town? The Hotel on Monrow Street, old Jimmy is quite a character, next to that guy that advertises the beer on TV, Jimmy’s the second most interesting man in the world. Here's the keys and I'll be in touch, call me if I can be of any more help. Thanks again Luke. It’s Duke, and your welcome. Laura slides in behind the wheel of the Hellcat and drives off for the Hotel. I could get used to this as she plays with the throttle a bit. Back at the room she takes a moment to absorb the information she’s acquired so far today. I think I’ll get online where I feel I’m back in my own world. She logs on to Challengertalk.com and is amazed at how many members are logged on waiting to get some news.
The next novel in the series will be coming out soon... watch your local social forum for where you can read the adventures of Laura on As The Hemi Ticks!
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